Balance

   There is an ache. A loss of something I'd never even noticed was there.

   Only one foot is left on the ground; the other can find no purchase; no rock, no water, no cloud. I look down to find something, anything, to steady myself upon, but though the imbalance is enough to throw me hard into the darkest gravity, my attention instead is pulled away by something else. Something new. Something silent.

   Like the smoke of a candle, the steam of a cup of tea, light is trailing away from me. My chest is torn open.

   And yet, even as I feel the wind growing, whipping, roaring around me, a beast of so many teeth, claws and thunder...I feel calm.

   Light flows freely, softly, slowly, untouched by the storm, and though a piece of me is flowing away with it, there is some kind of stillness. Some kind of knowing, some kind of assurance. And the pain of what is being pulled away seems cooled and soothed by its very passing.

   And then, I find, I am balanced on one leg.

Rest in peace, Mum.

 

This story is not to be copied or reproduced without my written permission. Copyright © 2024 Kim Wedlock

Ghost

Estimated reading time: 12 minutes

Once upon a blue moon,

In the creeping, dawning light,

Listen through the washing ocean,

The breeze and birds in flight.

Hide behind the steady grass,

The growth along the strand,

And peer out through the early mist,

And whipping of the sand.

If your heart is steady,

And intentions pure and free,

You may just yet spot her,

Gliding by the sea.

But should you be so lucky,

Brace both breath and shield,

For never will her haunting eyes

Once grip your soul then yield.

And never will her mysteries

To any be revealed.

    The shore was lost in a cloud of mist. Dunes were vague shapes against the bleak, pink sky, and gannets stirring from their floating rest to preen and squabble were little more than bleak shapes in the murk. Only the light of the fading moon reflected in the endless, grey water gave any measure of their presence. The stillness was unbreakable; the waves themselves, stroking the shore, were insignificant against the vastness of the dawn. No crab, no tern, no glitter in the water could disturb it. Nor even the figure that ghosted through amongst them.

    She paused in the wash. Storm-coloured eyes narrowed, fixated on a single pebble between her feet. Slowly, she crouched and gazed at it, head cocked critically; from above, from the side, shielding away the diffused light with a painted hand. Then, her lips twisted.

    Too blue.

    Her interest passed.

    Pebble forgotten, the phantom rose again, brushing back a mane of sunbleached gold, and resumed her careful stride through the waves, attention fixed to the sand. Stone after shell after pebble she studied - too yellow, too green, too pink - and not once did the world react to her. Birds didn't stir, didn't squawk, didn't dive; hermit crabs didn't scuttle, fish didn't scatter. The fog didn't lift. The sea didn't cease its waves. She was barely there, yet completely present.

    Eerie, people called her, forever wandering the coasts and forests like a ghost. She belonged everywhere some said, others, nowhere, but any brave attempt to understand her, almost always beginning with a comment on her soft steps, never left their tongue once her gaze drifted onto them. Steel, silver, grey, storm; they had become as much folklore as she had herself. There was a sadness in them, some said, a 'kindness laced with hurt', with or by hard-earned wisdom, and tightly vaulted. Her thoughts, always, were deep and veiled. That mystery left many uncomfortable - though far less so than her silent power.

    But she never wasted any thought on those opinions. Peaceful solitude and motion were her greatest companions, and her mind ran far deeper than the trivial questions and rumours of strangers.

    A meagre gust of breeze parted the mist only briefly, and again, she stopped and stooped. And, again, the moment of consideration she granted the pearlescent shell resulted in the same dissatisfied twist of her lips.

    Too purple.

    And on she waded.

     The shore was soon broken and lost among spears of rock, and though she climbed and leapt between them, ignored by the birds surveying from their peaks, they quickly became impassable. Water swirled treacherously in eddies between them, and the colours of sand and shell vanished beneath the foam.

    A hint of defeat touched her heart, but she paid it no heed. She would simply have to turn.

    Her path diverted inland, and her ceaseless attention turned now to the tussocks of tall, pale grass that gripped the sand in the young dunes ahead. But their blades, she could see already, were each too yellow.

    The defeat returned, and a sudden weariness crashed over her like a tidal wave, forcing her to a stop once sand lay beneath her feet again. Heavily, she loosened her pack from her shoulders, jingling with strings of carved pebbles, crystalline stones and wooden rings as it dropped, and retrieved a waterskin from its folds. The water was cool and welcome on her lips, but only now she paused did she feel the ache in her legs. Her tired eyes turned across to the rising sun. How long had she been walking? Three hours? Five? Any normal day she'd have sat and enjoyed the waves, calmed herself and attuned to their sounds. But this time, her pursuit was dire.

    'Dire,' she thought bitterly, 'or frustrating?'

    Her eyes passed back over the vast coast as she drank, its distant end lost though the mist was fading, then back towards the land sprawling ahead of her. Even in the low dawn light, the forest sank her heart. Beautiful, green, lush in spite of the salt spray, and even less likely to gift what she sought. Colours grew more vibrant inland, more varied, more beautiful. A rich palette, endless and wonderful. Too rich.

    A deep sigh passed her lips as she lowered the waterskin with a heavy hand. But on she would go.

    The skin returned to her pack, the pack to her painted shoulders, and her feet trudged on, keeping close to the grasses where the roots trapped the sand. Dunes soon gave way to compact ground, compact ground softened with grass, and grass thinned out as trees rose around her. The light dropped, the sound of the sea faded, and birdsong changed from coastal chirps to treetop warbles until she found herself ghosting through a new world. Her heart steadily lifted again as the muffled forest's beauty seeped into her bones, and the absence of a horizon leant new adventure.

    Mist still hung, trapped by the shadows, and wouldn't burn off until the day grew older and the sun peaked higher through the leaves. It was a different kind of cool, one rich with new scents and texture, and the morning seemed to regain its youth. So too did her enthusiasm. There were colours everywhere: shades of green overhead, some rich with yellow, others blue, some even with tones of red; barks of grey, silver and brown, speckled with spots both lighter and darker; lost feathers of grey or iridescent black, flower buds of pink and light blue. Had the year been later, snowdrops would have littered the wider openings, but instead there were only the last purple signs of helleborine and neottia.

    Not for the first time, she kicked herself. But there was nothing she could do about the season, nor her previous winter's sickness, no matter how avidly she assured herself now that there had been. Instead, her pursuit reimposed itself and her attention fixated now onto patches of lichen covering the trees, both standing and fallen, live and rotting, and she began her battle with the light. Every patch that peaked her hopes revealed itself after far too long a moment of consideration to be too green, or too red, or, in one especially frustrating case, too purple.

    Curses fell from her lips. A trick of the light. Natural contrast. Forest-induced colour-blindness. And, again, she kicked herself.

    An hour had passed before she shrugged her pack from her shoulders again, and she sat heavily against a tree. Exhaustion and hunger settled over her like a mudslide, and it took a long while before she actually found the thought to eat. She devoured the apple so quickly she barely tasted it, nor the raisin bread that followed, and watched time pass by itself before her eyelids slid heavily closed.

    It was perhaps hours more or merely minutes before she roused again, awakened by a sense rather than completion. But, despite the grumble of a bear far to the east, a howl of a wolf ahead to the west, and a larger bird squawking nearby with no distinct direction, it was not alarm that flashed her eyes open, but curiosity.

    A curiosity, she felt, that was returned.

    She leaned forwards slowly, eyes roving the shadows. The air was warmer, but though the mist had evaporated, it was no clearer to see. A haze, she realised, of sleep, for when she finally located a set of eyes peering back at her from behind a knot of roots, she blinked it into focus.

    Golden eyes below pointed, golden ears. Silently, it stepped out of the shadow, watching her cautiously, and a smile tugged at her lips. A cat, sleek and shin-high, small for the forest; wild or feral, she couldn't tell. But it approached, carefully at first, then trotted, and brushed its small face against her knee. She startled only briefly when a light thud sounded close by, and a second golden cat, smaller and bluer in tone, approached and circled around her with tail held high.

    She reached out and cupped the first's head in her hand, which it gladly pushed itself into, and ruffled its ears while the second sniffed at the stones on her pack. A moment later, the first climbed up into her lap, stood with slender paws on her shoulders, and sniffed at the paint on her face. She chuckled, surprised, but didn't push him away. There was no danger from them. She knew that. And they knew no danger from her. They were kindred, in some way, both belonging and not belonging in the wild, and all three carried that comfortable understanding without need to complicate it.

    She reached out again and stroked the first's whiskers, but when the second gave a small chirp from the pack, they both turned sharply back to the trees and fled.

    Disappointment warred with warmth at the encounter, over far too soon, but as she rose to her feet, deciding it was also best to move on, she found them both still watching her over their backs from the shaded tree roots.

    They took a few steps, then stopped and looked back again.

    A shallow frown marred her pale face, but she stepped towards them, sensing a beckon, and watched them repeat the action.

    She soon found herself following the cats through the forest by harder routes: low-hanging branches, knotted bushes, the run of narrow streams, all the while surrounded by the vibrant sounds and smells of the ever-deepening wilds. She searched the colours by habit as she went, but the cats never ventured too far without her, and when she stopped here and there to analyse a particular pale petal or a nub of grey fungus, they returned, brushed against her leg as if to remind her that she was getting sidetracked, and led her deeper into the woods.

    Then, prompted by nothing at all, they stopped.

    She frowned and stopped beside them.

    "What is it?" She asked, peering around through the mosaic of light and shadow, and though only part of her expected an answer, she received one.

    The larger of the two cats moved purposefully towards another knot of beech roots, the second following more lazily, and after a sniff and bat at something in the ground, it meowed at her. She approached, half expecting to find a den of some sort, and hopeful behind that for a glimpse of kittens. But instead, all she found was grass, a rotting log, and more misleading mushrooms.

    And yet, she stopped. Frozen. Her wondering ceased.

    The cats circled as she found the mind to move again, crouching in the damp grass and peering closer at the moss-riddled log.

    Her eyes turned sharply to the sky. It was bright. The canopy was open. There was light. Clear light.

    Her gaze snapped back to the mushrooms.

    But...they weren't mushrooms. Or, barely. They didn't have a bulbous umbrella or a net or a fuzz; they were long, white and slender, but where they should have had a cap, they bowed over instead, and where the stalk should have been ridged, it had short, white leaves.

    Carefully, she nudged the non-mushroom with the back of her fingers, gently lifting its drooping, trumpet-shaped head. It was dense. Sturdy. A plant masquerading as a flower with stalk and leaves, all completely bleached of colour but for a few tiny black spots.

    Her gaze pulled back to the cats. The smaller had wandered off and began cleaning itself carelessly, but the larger remained close, watching her. When she failed to move quickly enough to satisfy him, he lowered its head, plucked at the plant, tore it and its single neighbour free, jumped onto her shoulder and dropped them pointedly onto her pack.

    She could feel how high her eyebrows had risen and forced them back down. Reaching behind her, she looked again at the plant, turning it over in her hand while the cat retrieved the second as it fell and returned it to where he had put it.

    Pure white. Pure white. Purer than snowdrop petals, than chalk, than treated iron...

    Quickly, she glanced around again, not at the cats but at another fallen log a short distance away, and after a quick, graceless crawl, found three more stalks growing from the rot.

    A laugh, delirious with fatigue, tumbled from her lips. The cats watched and yawned as she gathered these, slung down her pack, withdrew her stone and pestle, and began her heart's greatest work as the cats curled up satisfied on the log beside her. White released, combined with fats and water, she created there the purest, smoothest, most brilliant white paint any had ever seen.

     From then onwards, the legend changed, and the phantom of the wilds, with her ghostly footsteps, was accompanied by cats of gold, spirits of fortune or curse woven of her own golden hair, and woe befell any who tried to part them.

 

This story is not to be copied or reproduced without my written permission. Copyright © 2024 Kim Wedlock

Health Update

     It's not hard to notice that I've been absent for a long time.

     For those of you who don't know, I'm currently dealing with severe depression, trauma and anxiety. I am on medication, I am in therapy, and I am improving, but it has meant that my energy and motivation for creative work has lately been thin. I'm still working on things, I still have lots of biiiig plans, but actually executing them at this moment is proving to be beyond difficult.

     I have full intention to return, and I am working on a new book series that I've been excited about for years, but the opportunity to begin it coincided with the complete upheaval of life as I knew it.

     It will pass, I will be fine, the depression and trauma have been caused by something, it's not a natural disposition, so this is something that will fade. But it does mean that, for the moment, creating in any form that requires a lot of thought and memory is beyond my ability. Instead I've been painting more, creating with clay, with carving, and trying to let the motivation return naturally. It's not easy, but I know that it is in my blood. It will return.

     My patrons know the bigger details, and I have paused subscription fees for the foreseeable future, at least until I can create content at a more regular rate. It won't necessarily be monthly, but if its one story every 2 months and a sneak peek at book planning progress, then that's something, and in that case I will be pausing the subscription every other month. No one will pay for more than I'm delivering.

     Otherwise, I deeply appreciate your patience. If it's irritating for you, it's far worse for me. I've always felt responsible for my work, and promising content and then being unable to deliver it really takes a toll on me. So kindness and patience is key to helping me get back on the road. Thank you ♥

Accursed Weststead Manor

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

    There's no time to get help. I can't let her follow me, she has to be kept away from town. So, to whomever finds this, here written is the account of the events leading to the death of my wife, Isabelle, and, almost as certainly, myself.

    It started with strange noises in the night. Isabelle began to gargle in her sleep. I thought nothing more of it than the flu, so I rolled her onto her side and it seemed to fix the problem.

    This was my first mistake.

    Six nights this went on, though she showed no signs of illness through the day. But the gargling soon worsened, and then came the night fits. I soothed her as best I could, I hid it from the children, and I quickly called the doctor. The "Change", he'd said. He'd given me an elixir and she drank it every night. We expected it to subdue the symptoms, give her better rest, but the fits only became more violent. She began waking up bruised. Before long, Doctor Yves recommended strapping her to the bed for her own safety. I did this, despite her growing terror. But I...I couldn't bear it. I slept in the guest chamber.

    That was my second mistake.

    On the thirteenth night, after too much ale, the shaking stopped, then I heard a thump in her room. I hurried in and found what I thought was her sitting upon the bed, spine bent backwards, a smoking black hand reaching out from her gaping mouth.

    Too much ale. A fever dream I hadn't fully withdrawn from; my worries manifested with too much fuel. I went back to bed with a headache.

    The hounds On the nineteenth morning, the hounds didn't howl with the roosters. They didn't howl with the bells. They didn't come when the children called, nor when they cried at a game gone wrong. My dear Isabelle, growing pale and drawn, suggested they were ill, but I was too busy to check on them until their feeding. That evening, I found them in pieces in the kennels, limbs and innards thrown around, their heads bitten through as if their skulls were butter. What creature could have done it? I might have wondered, but how could I have known? How could anyone?

    From that moment on, we didn't feel safe. This manor is far from town, and the forest surrounding it is thick. Anything could have been lurking. Truly anything, if the old stories had any truth to them.

    So I put signs up in town, looking for a hunter or someone who could help identify and kill it. A few came; some said wargs, others basilisks. But none would go into the woods to search. We increased the payment, but still, no one.

    So we locked the doors and barred the windows. The children were terrified. So was Isabelle, whose fits had finally ceased, though she had returned to scratching at her shoulders, opening up old scars. A sign of anxiety, but nothing more. Though still pale, her health was improving and my concern passing, so I was better able to swallow my own fear and put on a brave face. Such is the job of husband and father, after all.

    From that night on, though, I barely slept. I kept watch, moving from window to window with my crossbow, staring into the dark while my family rested uneasily. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. For a week I maintained vigil and, slowly, I began to ease. We all did. There was nothing out there anymore.

    I have made mistakes. I let things slip by, brushed them off as my imagination, a bad dream.

    There was nothing out there, because it was already inside with us. Everything that happened since the massacre of the hounds is my fault.

    I didn't hear anything at night, but I felt – felt often, I now realise - something moving around. A shifting presence through the bedroom. But I was never awake enough to take notice. I let it pass, another figment of my imagination. But I did hear Isabelle's occasional mutter to herself in her sleep about a scratching sound. And, with that, I'd listened more intently, wondering if she had located something that I hadn't...but strain as I might, there was no scratching. Nothing. Yet every night, every night, she would mutter. Then the muttering rose to speaking. Then to screaming.

    But still, there was nothing but her voice.

    I called the doctor back in. It went beyond the women's Change. "Touched," he concluded, although he didn't seem too convinced of it himself. A worst-case scenario, but one that, if handled immediately, may never have come to pass. So I did as he told me, keeping her in the sun all day, and the bedroom as black as possible at night. But her screaming continued.

    I know now. Not everything - not even enough - but I know this is something beyond the reach of medicine. A priest would be better suited, but after the unholy massacre at Rolinghan, there are none to spare. They are all either dead or dying.

    There is something in her. A madness manifested, a creature, a beast - something living inside her. And I have now, to my shame and horror, witnessed it come out.

    I doubt I'm making much sense, and I realise I've spent too long on this already.

    The day of the hounds, she had scratches around her arms. Old scars on her shoulders had opened up and bled. I presume there was blood elsewhere but I hadn't noticed it at the time.

    The night the windows shattered in our bedroom, she had been covered in blood and scratches. I hadn't pieced together how she could have gotten them unless she had been standing beside the window when it broke - and how it had broken, I hadn't worked out either. It made no sense unless she had done it herself, but she barely had the strength to stand.

    The same with the damage to the walls. The damage to the fireplace that she had somehow extinguished with her bare hands. Things of which I had witnessed nothing except the final result.

    The hunters dead in the yard, those few who had come back with a second thought over the reward. The doctor, who never made it to our last appointment, nor further than twelve paces through the gate.

    And the children...the children...

    I buried them this morning, what parts I could find. But I spared no words. There was no time. I would be tormented by that for the rest of my life if I thought I would survive more than two more days. But I am being hunted. Not by Isabelle - this isn't my Isabelle. I don't recognise her anymore, and I don't believe she recognises me either. Whatever little of her remains shows no sign. Only the beast breathes now, sees through her eyes, smells through her nose, hears through her ears. And as long as I am out of sight and tread lightly, it doesn't seem to know where I am.

    So I steal time, and I prepare.

    These deaths are my fault. I didn't trust the signs; I shrugged them off as dreams, but whether they come truly from a demon, a curse, a malignance of one kind or another...that, I will never know.

    I have to make things right. I have to correct my negligence. For her. For the children. For my family.

    Should I fail and the beast walks still, then to whomever finds this account, take heed: she it has an aversion to willow and recoils at the scent of the oil, and its wood and iron both leave ferocious burns on her its skin. There may be other weaknesses, but I haven't had the chance to find out, and if I delay any longer then she it will come for me.

    It cannot be allowed to escape. I mustn't lead it away, nor give it any reason to leave. And, I admit, I cling to very small hope that the demon or curse will be destroyed wit

The rest of the vellum is bare, unspoiled; no spilled ink nor blood, no rips or crumples. It sits, silent and unfinished, beside a dried out inkwell. The quill itself is missing. The rest of the house, too, lies still. Deafeningly still.

 

This story is not to be copied or reproduced without my written permission. Copyright © 2023 Kim Wedlock